She's not going to visit you THIS summer. She's going to visit next summer, and we'll work it out so we're visiting at the same time, and we'll be a very merry threesome! ^_^
*SNUGGLES* Be strong, my love! Thou wilst see thy sweet Summer yet!
I'm sorry, J, it sounds like you've had a tough week. *hugs* And I PROMISE I'm going to come up and visit next semester - this one was way too tough, and fall semester is always just a little bit easier for me.
Meh. It just seems that I'm fated to never have visitors. You cancelled, Erin and Elise cancelled, Summer cancelled.
And no, I don't hold your cancelling against you. School and Crew comes first, always. Just as I don't hold anyone else cancelling against them either. They have reasons, and who am I to argue them?
Blah. I give up. I just give up. Why do I do this to myself?
Optimism fucking sucks. "Things are looking up" sucks.
Being bored, lonely, depressed, poor and a single parent really fucking sucks, because there's jack fucking shit all I can do about any of it. Anything worth doing outside of the house either costs money I don't have, or doesn't work having the kid, or both.
Next thing I know, Steph's gonna tell me that she's NOT coming back to BC this fall like she said she was. Knowing me, it's gonna happen. Just watch.
God, I must be annoying the fuck out of all of you. I'll shut up and leave everyone alone now.
"Optimism fucking sucks. "Things are looking up" sucks."
Aww, Jay, that's no way to think of things. Yeah, things are tough as hell sometimes, but what you make of them in the tough times is what really defines you as a person. You've already shown that you're made of stonger stuff than most, and can retain your sense of humor and intelligence even if you're stuggling. Look at some of the people on a certian chat that we both belong to - THEIR tough times seem to have shown that whatever good personality they have is ONLY present when life goes just right for them. But, from what I've seen of YOU, you've grown and learned from hardship. So don't feel too down.
I think that way because, quite frankly, every time ANYTHING has been looking up, and I've felt all optimistic, I've been burned. I should be littrle more than smoldering embers by now. And I just don't learn my lesson. Whenever I'm depressed and cynical and pessimistic, I don't hurt.
Me? Stronger stuff? Nah. I'm just too fucking stubborn to stop. People ask me how I get through all the shit in my life, and I tell them "Just keep going". I'm sure you've seen that post in response to the someone you're talking about. I'm too stubborn to stop. Doesn't necessarily make me strong. Just obnoxious.
Retain my intelligence? Intelligence isn't something that's easy to lose. Sense of humour? Most of that is sarcasm - which goes hand in hand with cynicism and being a curmudgeon. Besides, I have a responsibility to my friends and others who need me to put them first - and if that necessitates putting on a facade, so be it. I've had plenty of practice.
Fact: When my friends can tell I'm depressed, I'm SEVERELY depressed. When I'm only Majorly Depressed or less, nobody ever knows it.
Grown? Maybe. In some ways. I grew up too fast... meh.
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-16 06:20 pm (UTC)*SNUGGLES* Be strong, my love! Thou wilst see thy sweet Summer yet!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-16 09:40 pm (UTC)*sends gerbil into bed, too*
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-16 10:56 pm (UTC)You cancelled, Erin and Elise cancelled, Summer cancelled.
And no, I don't hold your cancelling against you. School and Crew comes first, always. Just as I don't hold anyone else cancelling against them either. They have reasons, and who am I to argue them?
Blah. I give up. I just give up. Why do I do this to myself?
Optimism fucking sucks. "Things are looking up" sucks.
Being bored, lonely, depressed, poor and a single parent really fucking sucks, because there's jack fucking shit all I can do about any of it. Anything worth doing outside of the house either costs money I don't have, or doesn't work having the kid, or both.
Next thing I know, Steph's gonna tell me that she's NOT coming back to BC this fall like she said she was. Knowing me, it's gonna happen. Just watch.
God, I must be annoying the fuck out of all of you. I'll shut up and leave everyone alone now.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-16 11:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-16 11:27 pm (UTC)I'm not going to expect it though.
Like I said, I give up. Blah.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-17 05:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-17 05:17 pm (UTC)But you'd rather go to New York anyways ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-17 12:16 pm (UTC)Aww, Jay, that's no way to think of things. Yeah, things are tough as hell sometimes, but what you make of them in the tough times is what really defines you as a person. You've already shown that you're made of stonger stuff than most, and can retain your sense of humor and intelligence even if you're stuggling. Look at some of the people on a certian chat that we both belong to - THEIR tough times seem to have shown that whatever good personality they have is ONLY present when life goes just right for them. But, from what I've seen of YOU, you've grown and learned from hardship. So don't feel too down.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-17 03:44 pm (UTC)Me? Stronger stuff? Nah. I'm just too fucking stubborn to stop. People ask me how I get through all the shit in my life, and I tell them "Just keep going". I'm sure you've seen that post in response to the someone you're talking about. I'm too stubborn to stop. Doesn't necessarily make me strong. Just obnoxious.
Retain my intelligence? Intelligence isn't something that's easy to lose. Sense of humour? Most of that is sarcasm - which goes hand in hand with cynicism and being a curmudgeon. Besides, I have a responsibility to my friends and others who need me to put them first - and if that necessitates putting on a facade, so be it. I've had plenty of practice.
Fact: When my friends can tell I'm depressed, I'm SEVERELY depressed. When I'm only Majorly Depressed or less, nobody ever knows it.
Grown? Maybe. In some ways. I grew up too fast... meh.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-17 05:21 pm (UTC)Not true. XP We already know that you're depressed 99.999999% of the time.
*SNUGGLES* Love ya, sweetheart.